Monday, December 12, 2011

Customer Service

It can look like this:

Dear Mr [Suits],

Please quote the following reference number in all correspondence: xxxxxx

Thank you very much for placing your order with us. Unfortunately the following item(s) are out of stock and will take a little longer than expected to reach you.

Order Ref Product Code Short Description Date Expected

W36894226 xxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxx 2 Jan 12

I offer you my sincere apologies for the delay. You have my word that as soon as we have the item(s) in stock we will send them to you as soon as we can.

In the meantime, your debit or credit card will not be charged until your order is safely on its way to you. In the interest of security, we have already processed your payment if you sent us a cheque, in order to avoid keeping it on the premises overnight.

Please be assured we will not charge you for extra postage if the items are sent in more than one package. In addition, if your order is part of an exchange for a returned item, or you have already paid postage, we will not make any additional charge for delivery.

I cannot apologise enough for any inconvenience this has caused you. We pride ourselves on our service but it seems it has not lived up to our high standards this time. We will do everything we can to ensure this will not happen again.

If there is anything we can do to assist or if you wish to change your order, please do not hesitate to call our Customer Services team on xxxx xxx x000. If calling from outside the UK, please call +44 xx xxxx xxxx. You can also email us by clicking here.

Mathis Wagner
Head of Customer Services

Yes. I believe I will continue to bring you my custom, Mr. Wagner. Your ass-kissing is sufficiently sincere and, let's be honest, that's pretty much all it takes.